Ebert and Roeper

Quite honestly one of my favorite parts of international travel is the chance to watch practically unlimited movies without feeling guilty about the bad usage of time (I know, shallow right?).

I had the chance to take a very quick trip back to the US in February to be a maid of honor in the wedding of the dearest of friends. At some point during the flight and the 28+ hours of traveling, I realized I was deeply disturbed. I had just finished watching three movies in rapid-fire succession, all of them revolving around the ever-popular topic of “Love,” and I was really upset. Shaken, at how this holy, sacred, and pristine thing called Love could be so thoughtlessly violated and muddied. Regretful, that I had given them my time even if I was captive on a plane thousands of feet up in the air.

I should, in good conscience, be embarrassed by my viewing selections and I also should know better than to expect any sort of veracity to come from a Hollywood chick-flick.

My only consolation is that they at least caused some sort of deeper reflection for me.

500 Days of Summer has this internet synopsis: “An offbeat romantic comedy about a woman who doesn't believe true love exists, and the young man who falls for her.”

I found myself engaged in the story and liking it because it was narrated (I love narration for some odd reason; maybe it brings me back to my Winnie the Pooh Days..), it was quirky and offbeat, it was non-chronological, and it did not have a happy ending (I find an odd cathartic satisfaction in sad endings…).

The final narration of the movie drew me in:

“Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin and end with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life….If Tom had learned anything it was that you can’t ascribe great cosmic significance to a single earthly event; coincidence, that’s all anything ever really is – coincidence. Tom had finally learned there are no miracles.”

…and this from a movie about love (?!?!?!).

The second movie I watched, sorry to say, was called The Ugly Truth. Your synopsis for this one reads: “A romantically challenged morning show producer is reluctantly embroiled in a series of outrageous tests by her chauvinistic correspondent to prove his theories on relationships and help her find love. His clever ploys, however, lead to an unexpected result.”

Wow. Really? Unexpected? About as unexpected as any other entirely predictable romantic comedy….My point isn’t the bad acting or the bad plot though. My point is the Lie that was represented as Love. Love as physical attraction, sex, greed, instant satisfaction, personal fulfillment, frugality, transient and temporal. I could go on.

In fact I did. I was seriously so saddened that these pictures of love are what educates teen girls and feeds the longings of lonely single women that I got tears in my eyes (some would say I was only suffering from travelers fatigue, but I argue no.).

The most reasonable and cleansing thing I could think to do was to read perhaps one of the greatest sources of authority on the topic of Love….the Love Chapter from the Bible (1 Corinthians 13). Maybe out of desperation to set the record right, I made a list. A list of what God calls Love versus what my world had just called love. When it comes right down to it, a list of Love vs. lust.

I don’t think I’ll detail out my list here. Maybe you’d like to take on the project for yourself, but when my list was finished it came down to the difference of opinion between love as YOU or love as ME. You versus Me.

As it turns out Love continued to be a theme while I was in the US – I attended a wedding and lived through another Valentine’s Day. I did some good reflection, shed some tears, had some deep convictions, and had a heart to heart conversation with my sister about what is and what is not Love.

And I have some thoughts. They are not perfect and they are not complete, but single or married, male or female, whose really are?

What I’ve come to realize is that Love as I understand it, Love that is given and made possible by God, is not really at all how most people in 2010 live it or see it.

I know that many people my age are scared off or turned off by the idea of marriage or permanent commitment because in their minds marriage equals a requirement to give up rights, a requirement to compromise, and a requirement to change habits they would rather hang on to. At some point past the honeymoon the relationship will become more about work and monotony than bliss and excitement; and a struggle will ensue in which each person will try to change the other into their more ideal idea of a spouse.

Sad.

I realize Love is hard. Really hard at times. But in any sort of relationship where love is involved (be it marriage, mother-daughter, sister-brother, friends…), I think love becomes simplified when it becomes about YOU not ME. If I love you, really love you, than it will be about how I can sacrifice for YOU, not what I have to sacrifice; I will want YOU to have everything you like and love and need, and will not worry about what I miss or have to change; I will fight so that YOU get the bigger (and middle) piece of brownie and the warmer softer blanket and the less smelly jobs around the house, instead of remembering and worrying about what I’m missing. These things are not romantic-love bound, they are pervasive among people who Love.

I realize that sometimes love is more about what you don’t do than about what you do. I’m not referring to loving someone by not hitting them or something negative like that; sometimes I think even things that look or sound kind and loving are damaging because they are done or said for selfish reasons. I know, that sounds weird. But love is about seeing past the now to the what will be, seeing the person you will be in the future and wanting the best for you in that future, whether I’m there or not.

A song I like spells out our world’s pale version of love like this:

But I give myself to what looks like love

And I sell myself for what feels like love

And I pay to get what is not love

And all just because I see things upside down

(Derek Webb, What is Not Love)

….When in truth Love, that true Love with a capital “L” is completely free, but inexplicably costly….Costly, yet intended to be given extravagantly. Extravagant, but intended for everyday jeans-and T-shirt use.