Love, Hippies, and Theology

I was born January 12, 1983. That's right, child of the 80's, born to parents who I believe are hippies at heart...making me somewhat of a self-declared hippie child. So to set the mood for this blog post I present you with the Beatles, of course (but pay attention to the lyrics, you'll need 'em later on...) 

This last month has been hallmarked with beginnings and endings, hellos and goodbyes for me - my niece, Lydia, arrived making me a first-time auntie; I wrote a letter of resignation and successfully finished my last day of work at Regional Medical Center ER; I saw my big sister off as she returned for her 4th year of teaching English in Slovakia; and recently, loaded my bed into a moving van and out of an increasingly sparse apartment. Like little pieces to a puzzle, all these details are adding momentum to the day I get to leave for Uganda...and each detail needles a poignant "goodbye" into my heart. I've been excited to go to Uganda for so long, that I think I almost neglected to estimate the pain involved in the leaving.

Goodbye.

So now I find myself in this place that feels awkward and ungainly. I want my time left here to be special and significant, filled with good times, memories and conversations with my friends and family; at the same time though, I try to ignore the voice that says, "this could be the last time that..." My own selfish and somewhat introverted tendency would be to disengage and pull away from people and relationships....so that it is not as painful to leave. At a time when I think I should be wrapping things up, God has placed new people, deeper friendships, and possibilities in my life. I sigh. The wallflower in me argues, "God, don't you think we should just tone things down, you know, so I can just slip out the door quietly...?

Is this just my own tendency, or perhaps a symptom of the society we all live in, one that tries to avoid pain at all cost? 

"Quick! Give me something to take away this headache!" 

"This is just too hard; I want a divorce." 

(and one of my favorite) "Exciting new diet pills; no exercise needed!"

I think we have fallen into the trap of the flawed logic:

Pain = Personal Discomfort = No Personal Benefit

Can we so unequivocally say that because pain is, well (duh), painful/uncomfortable it is bad and should be avoided? I think we could get even a 5th grader to see that some painful experiences can be beneficial (i.e. physical pain to train for a marathon or lose weight,etc.). Okay, so maaaybe we explain some benefit of physical pain, but don'tcha think emotional pain is much harder to accept as something good for your life? Crazy, right? I mean we're talkin' the pain that comes with being relational beings - friends, enemies, competitors, mothers, fathers, sisters, husbands, wives, children, bosses, and employees dealing with LOVE, ANGER, HATE, ROMANCE, JEALOUSY, PRIDE, GUILT.....These words, these emotions, are like the fireworks of our souls providing beauty, color, (even) entertainment....until they set something on fire and cause pain and destruction. Is is better just to give up something beautiful if it is almost certain to cause some amount of pain?

Hello. 

I've said it before, I'll say it again - I don't know What you believe or Who you believe in, but if I may tell you about my God...I believe in a God Who is eternally and freely giving of Himself for the good of others. I believe in a God Who loves freely and Who loves to love. I believe in a God Who loves us extravagantly in the most costly way - just look at the cross ("In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him." 1 John 4:9). So now we have a God Who created us to be relational beings, just as He is relational; and we have a God Who modeled what love in relationship should look like.... This part scares me because then I see what love should look like - plain and simple, it HURTS to love like God because LOVE loves to give self-sacrificially, in a way that just may be costly to me ("A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13:34). Basically, if I claim to serve and follow this God then my life will be marked by the love demonstrated in my relationships.

To sum up...

Love so that you FEEL it. 

And now for perhaps the hardest part of all....Why the Beatles? I'm still working out the kinks, but in my mind this song's lyrics remind me of this "upside-down" love theology I believe we're called to live. What you may see as a situation needing a fast escape to ensure your own comfort, God may see as an opportunity to pull up a chair and start a new conversation. Hello, instead of Goodbye. 

So if you see me off this week before I leave for Uganda, just give me a wave a Hello. Goodbyes aren't required. 

"It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love."   John 13:1

Oh here you are....

Stuffed in a plastic bag, tucked in a box, under a pile of books, I found my blog today...Okay, not really, but I was hoping I could blame my delinquency in not posting on the chaos which has moved in and made itself comfortable in my life as of late. If you fear that my long absence in writing may now require some sort of dastardly-long entry of tedious proportions, I'm with you in that trepidation. In the best interest of my readers, then, I think it best to give you the "Cliff Notes" version of the last month or so (oh dear, it indeed has been that long...).

And by way of prologue, I do apologize for not doing a better job at keeping you posted on the latest developments in my progress toward Uganda. 

* I quit my job. Having never really quit a "real" job before this was a weird and scary step to take. I wrote my letter of resignation and had my last day of work on September 1st. I had decided that my last month here should be spent being with the people I love and focusing on the many details that need to get accomplished before I leave. Since the word "unemployed" makes me uncomfortable, I say I am on "elective early short-term retirement"  :)

* I was given my "clearance to depart" last week! This means I'm a-okay to make my travel arrangements and start packing my bags. While my support level is not at 100%, I'm able to make up the difference with some of my own finances at this time. This is actually something I had been praying about before and felt that I wanted to be "mutually invested" financially along with the many people who are supporting me in that way. God has been so faithful to provide for my needs this far, so I'm continuing to wait and see what He will do with the time I have left. 

* This past wednesday marked a pretty important day for me - I bought my plane ticket!! Each one of these steps has brought the notion closer and closer to reality...and now I have a one-way ticket to Uganda....craaazy. So, I get my wings on October 3rd and will arrive into Kampala, Uganda on October 5th!!

* It's been really nice (and strange too) to not have to go to work...I've been able to spend some great time with family and many you, my friends. It's very surreal to think that after all of this anticipation, praying, and planning, this is *finally* and really happening. 

* In all honesty, while my anticipation is great, I'm also nervous. It's hard to conceptualize or really begin to grasp what it means to move to a place I've never even visited and place I know will be vastly different than what my life looks like here. On that note, I really appreciate your prayers...

- lots of logistical stuff: travel plans to be smoothed out, packing to be done (just how does one pack for 2 years??!?!?!)

- what I call "The Art of Leaving"; grace for the how's and when's of saying goodbye to the people I care about

As is my usual for blogging, it is late and I'm fading fast. There is much more to say, I've left out some important things, but for now these highlights will suffice, I think. Thanks for being my readers, prayers, cheerleaders, and friends. I'm so excited that you want to share in this with me.