Love, Hippies, and Theology

I was born January 12, 1983. That's right, child of the 80's, born to parents who I believe are hippies at heart...making me somewhat of a self-declared hippie child. So to set the mood for this blog post I present you with the Beatles, of course (but pay attention to the lyrics, you'll need 'em later on...) 

This last month has been hallmarked with beginnings and endings, hellos and goodbyes for me - my niece, Lydia, arrived making me a first-time auntie; I wrote a letter of resignation and successfully finished my last day of work at Regional Medical Center ER; I saw my big sister off as she returned for her 4th year of teaching English in Slovakia; and recently, loaded my bed into a moving van and out of an increasingly sparse apartment. Like little pieces to a puzzle, all these details are adding momentum to the day I get to leave for Uganda...and each detail needles a poignant "goodbye" into my heart. I've been excited to go to Uganda for so long, that I think I almost neglected to estimate the pain involved in the leaving.

Goodbye.

So now I find myself in this place that feels awkward and ungainly. I want my time left here to be special and significant, filled with good times, memories and conversations with my friends and family; at the same time though, I try to ignore the voice that says, "this could be the last time that..." My own selfish and somewhat introverted tendency would be to disengage and pull away from people and relationships....so that it is not as painful to leave. At a time when I think I should be wrapping things up, God has placed new people, deeper friendships, and possibilities in my life. I sigh. The wallflower in me argues, "God, don't you think we should just tone things down, you know, so I can just slip out the door quietly...?

Is this just my own tendency, or perhaps a symptom of the society we all live in, one that tries to avoid pain at all cost? 

"Quick! Give me something to take away this headache!" 

"This is just too hard; I want a divorce." 

(and one of my favorite) "Exciting new diet pills; no exercise needed!"

I think we have fallen into the trap of the flawed logic:

Pain = Personal Discomfort = No Personal Benefit

Can we so unequivocally say that because pain is, well (duh), painful/uncomfortable it is bad and should be avoided? I think we could get even a 5th grader to see that some painful experiences can be beneficial (i.e. physical pain to train for a marathon or lose weight,etc.). Okay, so maaaybe we explain some benefit of physical pain, but don'tcha think emotional pain is much harder to accept as something good for your life? Crazy, right? I mean we're talkin' the pain that comes with being relational beings - friends, enemies, competitors, mothers, fathers, sisters, husbands, wives, children, bosses, and employees dealing with LOVE, ANGER, HATE, ROMANCE, JEALOUSY, PRIDE, GUILT.....These words, these emotions, are like the fireworks of our souls providing beauty, color, (even) entertainment....until they set something on fire and cause pain and destruction. Is is better just to give up something beautiful if it is almost certain to cause some amount of pain?

Hello. 

I've said it before, I'll say it again - I don't know What you believe or Who you believe in, but if I may tell you about my God...I believe in a God Who is eternally and freely giving of Himself for the good of others. I believe in a God Who loves freely and Who loves to love. I believe in a God Who loves us extravagantly in the most costly way - just look at the cross ("In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him." 1 John 4:9). So now we have a God Who created us to be relational beings, just as He is relational; and we have a God Who modeled what love in relationship should look like.... This part scares me because then I see what love should look like - plain and simple, it HURTS to love like God because LOVE loves to give self-sacrificially, in a way that just may be costly to me ("A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13:34). Basically, if I claim to serve and follow this God then my life will be marked by the love demonstrated in my relationships.

To sum up...

Love so that you FEEL it.

And now for perhaps the hardest part of all....Why the Beatles? I'm still working out the kinks, but in my mind this song's lyrics remind me of this "upside-down" love theology I believe we're called to live. What you may see as a situation needing a fast escape to ensure your own comfort, God may see as an opportunity to pull up a chair and start a new conversation. Hello, instead of Goodbye. 

So if you see me off this week before I leave for Uganda, just give me a wave a Hello. Goodbyes aren't required. 

"It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love."   John 13:1