Labeled

No, I haven't forgotten.

I haven't forgotten about my blog.... more importantly I haven't forgotten about Uganda.

So what's up, you ask? What's new? What's happening?

Good questions, all.

I have a pretty short answer which can be summed up with "I'm waiting."

Maybe I'll start from the top for those who are new or those of you who need a refresher and some reminding.

I'm Kacie. I currently live in San Jose, CA, where I work as an emergency room nurse, am part of WestGate church, and in general "do" life with many great people and blessings God has put in my life. But, almost a year ago marked the beginning of a pretty big change in my life direction as God started leading me toward missions and specifically the country and people of Uganda.

So, I am planning on moving to Uganda to work as a nurse for 2 years. While I'm there I'll be working with a relief and development organization called Hope Alive! that helps to sponsor orphans and fragile family units (literal families of just children). As a nurse there I'll be doing a lot of community health work - health screenings, vaccination screenings, health and hygiene teaching, basic first aid, etc.

Since I will be there for 2 years I need to raise enough for that time. So many people have already decided to become part of my team by supporting me financially, and I'm at about halfway with the support I need. Basically, as soon as I have all of my support raised (or pledged) I can buy that plane ticket and hop on a plane!! My hopes are that that will happen soon, sometime this summer...However I know God's timing is not my own and He has reasons for me to wait (although I wouldn't mind having it spelled out for me sometimes).

I am planning on doing more posting about Uganda life, culture, and people there, but as a result of all of this waiting, I have consequently had a lot of time for reflecting (although admittedly, I resist this). While I have many a rambling thought I could share, I think I'll stick with today's, prompted by a message from church.

In church we read the story about Jacob wrestling with God (in Genesis 32) and the title of the sermon was "Labeled." Jacob was a man labeled from birth (his name literally means "heel grabber" or deceiver.... not too much imagination in the naming process - his brother Esau was literally "hairy." Try going through junior high with that name.). Point being, Jacob was labeled a deceiver from birth and seemed to live up to his name with every step he took growing up. Not until Jacob literally enters a wrestling match with God, does he face who he is past, present and future. It's then God gives him a new name and identity - Israel. Jacob is re-labeled by God.

I don't know about you, but I often feel burdened by the labels placed on me - by myself and by others. They can be weighty, like big signs hung around your neck; they can be distracting and confusing because they lie and contradict.

My labels read something like this:

Third child. Nurse. Striving for perfection. Lonely. Dissatisfied with myself. Confident. Does the "right" thing. Nice. Put together. Fun-loving. (and more recently) Missionary.

I could go on, and I know you could too. Actually, if you're reading this I would say, stop. Stop right now and write down some of your own labels, whether they are ones you made for yourself or ones that others place on you. We're going somewhere with this I promise.

Each one of my labels carries a weight with it. The ones I have made for myself are heavy because they remind me of my imperfections, my insecurities, my shortcomings, and who I "wish I could be." The ones others have placed on me are just as burdensome because I know deep inside that I can never live up to expectations. Eventually I will mess up and disappoint.

Maybe this time of waiting is my wrestling match with God. In the "silence" of waiting, I've had to (and still am, trust me..) think really hard about who I've been, who I am, and who I want to be. It's easy to begin to question, "Who am I really? Am I sure that God really said that? I can't really be a missionary, can I?"

I don't think my wrestling match is done, but here's where I'm at so far. God didn't give me a new name like He did for Jacob - instead He reminded me of the name I already have. Kacie, means Valorous. Elizabeth, means Consecrated to God.

Ultimately, God has called me just to look to Him to find my identity and to find my direction for life. My identity was defined at the cross, where it became possible for me to be called a child of God. This point has been driven home by a song that's been stuck in my head constantly lately, called Lead Me to The Cross:



Like I said these are just some ramblings and scattered thoughts, but they're part of my journey to Uganda too. I hope maybe they may give you cause for reflection in your own life and that you can also seek out the name God has given to you as His child.