Blind-sided by the "What If"

When I was little, it was an innocent game we used to play with our parents, called "What if." Seated at the dinner table or in the back seat of the car, the game would ensue, question building upon question, perhaps intending (in some childish maniacal purpose) to see how far we could test parental patience.

"Mom, what if lima beans were really bad for you?"
"They're not, I promise. Now eat your vegetables."
"But what if THESE lima beans came from a farm where somebody POISONED the lima beans??"
"Your lima beans are not poisoned. Now eat."

"Dad, what if we ran out of gas? "
"Then we'd get some more."
"But what if we were far away from a gas station? and it was raining?"
"Then I'd send you to walk to get the gas."

You get the picture.

However, at age 26, I find myself blind-sided by the "What If?", shocked to discover I still play this childish game...with God. Perhaps it's now taken a more mature form and perhaps my questions actually seem important and relevant to my life, but the spirit of the game just may turn out to be the same- in essence challenging an authority figure, testing, pushing to the limit where they actually might admit "I don't know."

"God, what if I just end up stuck here in life forever?"
"God, what if I'm just not brave enough to do that?"
"God, what if I never get married?"
"God, what if I'm just not patient enough to love this person?"

...a more sophisticated version of the game, right? Cleverly disguised as prayer...A game in which I question God's authority and sovereignty in my life and basically say "I'm worried about this because I bet you didn't think to figure this out yet."

Jesus actually had a prayer involving an "If" as well...in stark contrast to my own kiddie-pool-deep-faith prayers. Jesus prayed:

"My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." (Matt 26:38)
and again..."My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done." (Matt 26:42)

On the brink of making the biggest sacrifice that would mean his very death (and knowing the torment involved), Jesus asked His Father to consider an alternative, but SURRENDERED His will to God.

My "If" questions suggest to God that my plan for me will be better. Jesus laid the burden of the "If" at God's feet, fully trusting His Father's sovereignty.

The truth is that I live inside my own comfort zones of surrender. Some risks are easy for me to take - for instance "things" and money aren't entirely difficult for me to trust God with....but people and relationships, now that's a different story.

I'm saying these things out loud not to be preachy but to remind myself. I believe that God does want us to be brutally honest with Him in prayer. And in my heart I know that nothing is safer than risking everything for God and surrendering all to Him.

May it be done according to Your will.


p.s. As "homework" I hope you'll watch this Rob Bell video (part 1 and 2). He's a much more eloquent communicator than I. More food for thought about prayer.