There's a song by Brett Dennen that goes:

"I wondered how so many can be in so much pain,
While others don't seem to feel a thing
Then I curse my whiteness,
and I get so damn depressed,
In a world of suffering,
Why should I be so blessed?"

...and I've been feeling this way lately. I've found it hard to "let go" of my experience I had in Haiti, but thinking more and more that what I really need to do is "let go" of some lifestyles I've developed here in America. What do I mean? Well, as I peruse the store shelves for another purse I don't need, or gripe when the grocery store is out of my favorite cereal, my friends in Haiti are living in daily suffering which doesn't promise to get better tomorrow. Check out this video below, posted from MSF/Doctors Without Borders.



And so I come to a place in my mind that I have not been able to reconcile yet. God has placed me here in San Jose and He is the One who has given me all the blessings I now enjoy. Because I know this I don't think I must refuse to eat or live move to the streets because of the "staving children in Africa." Rather, my plight now becomes, how must I use my God-given blessings in response the needs so clearly evident throughout the world?

Love, Hippies, and Theology

I was born January 12, 1983. That's right, child of the 80's, born to parents who I believe are hippies at heart...making me somewhat of a self-declared hippie child. So to set the mood for this blog post I present you with the Beatles, of course (but pay attention to the lyrics, you'll need 'em later on...) 

This last month has been hallmarked with beginnings and endings, hellos and goodbyes for me - my niece, Lydia, arrived making me a first-time auntie; I wrote a letter of resignation and successfully finished my last day of work at Regional Medical Center ER; I saw my big sister off as she returned for her 4th year of teaching English in Slovakia; and recently, loaded my bed into a moving van and out of an increasingly sparse apartment. Like little pieces to a puzzle, all these details are adding momentum to the day I get to leave for Uganda...and each detail needles a poignant "goodbye" into my heart. I've been excited to go to Uganda for so long, that I think I almost neglected to estimate the pain involved in the leaving.

Goodbye.

So now I find myself in this place that feels awkward and ungainly. I want my time left here to be special and significant, filled with good times, memories and conversations with my friends and family; at the same time though, I try to ignore the voice that says, "this could be the last time that..." My own selfish and somewhat introverted tendency would be to disengage and pull away from people and relationships....so that it is not as painful to leave. At a time when I think I should be wrapping things up, God has placed new people, deeper friendships, and possibilities in my life. I sigh. The wallflower in me argues, "God, don't you think we should just tone things down, you know, so I can just slip out the door quietly...?

Is this just my own tendency, or perhaps a symptom of the society we all live in, one that tries to avoid pain at all cost? 

"Quick! Give me something to take away this headache!" 

"This is just too hard; I want a divorce." 

(and one of my favorite) "Exciting new diet pills; no exercise needed!"

I think we have fallen into the trap of the flawed logic:

Pain = Personal Discomfort = No Personal Benefit

Can we so unequivocally say that because pain is, well (duh), painful/uncomfortable it is bad and should be avoided? I think we could get even a 5th grader to see that some painful experiences can be beneficial (i.e. physical pain to train for a marathon or lose weight,etc.). Okay, so maaaybe we explain some benefit of physical pain, but don'tcha think emotional pain is much harder to accept as something good for your life? Crazy, right? I mean we're talkin' the pain that comes with being relational beings - friends, enemies, competitors, mothers, fathers, sisters, husbands, wives, children, bosses, and employees dealing with LOVE, ANGER, HATE, ROMANCE, JEALOUSY, PRIDE, GUILT.....These words, these emotions, are like the fireworks of our souls providing beauty, color, (even) entertainment....until they set something on fire and cause pain and destruction. Is is better just to give up something beautiful if it is almost certain to cause some amount of pain?

Hello. 

I've said it before, I'll say it again - I don't know What you believe or Who you believe in, but if I may tell you about my God...I believe in a God Who is eternally and freely giving of Himself for the good of others. I believe in a God Who loves freely and Who loves to love. I believe in a God Who loves us extravagantly in the most costly way - just look at the cross ("In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him." 1 John 4:9). So now we have a God Who created us to be relational beings, just as He is relational; and we have a God Who modeled what love in relationship should look like.... This part scares me because then I see what love should look like - plain and simple, it HURTS to love like God because LOVE loves to give self-sacrificially, in a way that just may be costly to me ("A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13:34). Basically, if I claim to serve and follow this God then my life will be marked by the love demonstrated in my relationships.

To sum up...

Love so that you FEEL it.

And now for perhaps the hardest part of all....Why the Beatles? I'm still working out the kinks, but in my mind this song's lyrics remind me of this "upside-down" love theology I believe we're called to live. What you may see as a situation needing a fast escape to ensure your own comfort, God may see as an opportunity to pull up a chair and start a new conversation. Hello, instead of Goodbye. 

So if you see me off this week before I leave for Uganda, just give me a wave a Hello. Goodbyes aren't required. 

"It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love."   John 13:1

Haiti 2008

September 2008



Dear Family and Friends,


I think it has been quite a while since many of you have heard from me! The last time I wrote I was preparing for a trip to Haiti with my church here in San Jose. If you have a few minutes, I’d love to take a little of your time to share with you about this really special experience and how God has been working in my heart. Now, where to start? I could a novel, but let me pick a few things that have been especially challenging and influential in my life.

God once again gave me the opportunity to experience life outside of my San Jose “bubble” by joining with 19 other people from my home church of Westgate and traveling to Haiti. As I shared with you before our goal in going was to help the Mompremiers, a missionary family our church supports. We really went with a spirit of flexibility, as we weren’t exactly sure what we would be doing during our stay from June 29 to July 9. To summarize, God really answered our prayers by taking a variety of people with a variety of talents and gifts and using us as His hands and feet in Haiti for a lot of different projects. We had artists who were able to paint murals in a local church and teach art classes to local teenage orphan boys; girls who found they a passion for construction, various “handyman” projects and clearing rocks from the fields; and many others who stepped up to the challenge of managing 130+ kiddo vacation Bible clubs with sports and craft activities.


God allowed me to have a 3rd world nursing opportunity working with Kristie Mompremier, who is a nurse to her community as well as wife to her husband Jean Jean, mother to her girls Tana and Kerrie, English teacher, local biologist who helps teach tree grafting, and coordinator of so many other projects. We were glad to bring some medicines to help Kristie with her health clinics, especially children’s vitamins that are much needed as most children suffer from some degree of malnutrition. One little boy, Woobie, was brought to the Mompremiers by his family having just suffered 3rd degree burns to his hand and chest from boiling water. I was amazed at how stoic he was – he never cried once as we cleansed and bandaged him best we could. Coming from work in a modern hospital in the US it was difficult for me to think of all I wanted to do and provide for Woobie. Here is one major lesson I learned: time and again I was humbled to see how Kristie and Jean Jean have so little material possessions and resources to work with, yet because they trust Him and give Him back all they have, God truly blesses and multiplies their work. They are unable to rely on their own resources for themselves or others so they depend on God to be their everything and He proves Himself faithful over and over.


Besides being a physically impoverished country, Haiti has also been oppressed due to its culture that has embraced voodoo as the unofficial national religion. It was really interesting to learn about this part of their culture and how it influences the daily life of a Haitian. As a short cultural lesson, when you become a voodoo worshiper it is said that satan "mounts" you and is able to control you as a master controls a horse with a bit in its mouth. The beauty of the Gospel is that it is a message of love, mercy, and freedom in Christ. We were introduced to Zouel, a former witch doctor who recently came to Christ, and he graciously shared his testimony with us.

During one of our church services, JeanJean received word that another local witch doctor, Price, who we had given food to on one of our previous prayer walks wanted us to come back so he could pray to receive Christ. We once again made the 20-minute trek to his house and found him ready and eager to pray with us. It was an experience I will never forget. Price has been a witch doctor and worshipper of voodoo for 40 years now. His wife knows Christ and has been a witness to him by going to the Mompremier’s church services and his children are fed at the Mompremier's nutrition center. I was reminded that God is the God of the impossible and He will ultimately work for His own Glory, in His own time.

There is so much more I could tell you and so many more stories to share…Our final night in Haiti our team gathered together and each person shared two or three words that captured the essence of what they had learned. The words I chose were “radical obedience.”

Probably more than anything else on the trip, I was greatly impacted by watching and witnessing firsthand the radical obedience lived out daily by Jean Jean and Kristie Mompremier. Their story is not typical and their lives are not easy. I doubt that Kristie would have imagined her life as it is now as she grew up in Iowa. They could easily choose to live in the US and enjoy a much more comfortable life, but instead they choose to deliberately obey God’s call for their lives and trust in His provision for everything. Beyond all that, they serve joyfully because they are exactly inside God’s will for their lives. As our team leader said, “they are so happy they don’t know how miserable they are.”

I’ll end my Haiti experience there, but would like to share briefly what God is doing in my life currently. Since I graduated from Biola in 2006, I have had a real desire to go into missions, but have felt God wanted me to wait for various reasons. Missions is something I think about daily but I see how this time in San Jose has been a blessing as a I have made some lifelong friendships, have become involved with my church community, and have grown professionally as a nurse. Before I left for Haiti, God started speaking to me clearly through His word, people, and other situations that I should start to pursue missions. He gave me a verse in Luke 11:9 that says “So I say to you, ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you.” God has asked me to knock on a new door in my life, missions, and I’m excited to share with you how He is opening that for me. I’ve been getting to know a missions organization called WorldVenture for some months, and am now in what I call the “baby stages” of applying as a midterm missionary with them. That means that, Lord willing, I will be serving overseas for at least 2 years in some sort of a nursing capacity, possibly in the country of Uganda. This is both very exciting and a little scary/overwhelming but I can’t wait to see where God will lead me. I would appreciate your prayers so much as a continue to seek God’s will for my life and move forward with WorldVenture. For now, there are many details that will be worked out later and I would love to keep you up to date as things progress.

Thanks so much for taking the time to hear about these things that are so close to my heart. I especially want to thank you for your prayers for my team and me during our trip - not only did we all feel the power of prayer, but your prayers were effective as God used us to minister for His glory in Haiti. I hope that as you read through these stories and reflections you are refreshed with a passion to see God’s kingdom here on earth.

kacie


“But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver. “
2 Corinthians 9:6-7









“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33








Our team was able to keep a blog of our experiences and if you’re interested in reading back on our day-to day activites you can read it at: http://westgatetohaiti.blogspot.com/

If you would like to learn more about the ministries of Jean Jean and Kristie Mompremier please visit their blog site at: http://jeankris.blogspot.com