inertia

inertia |iˈnər sh ə|

noun

1 a tendency to do nothing or to remain unchanged.

2 Physics a property of matter by which it continues in its existing state of rest or uniform motion in a straight line, unless that state is changed by an external force.

I went on a retreat last month where the each person in the group was asked to write down and discuss his/her "life goals." We were asked, "do you know what your 10 year plan is?" At this, I sort of guffawed. 10 years? Shoot, I start feeling anxious when I think 1 year down the road.

I don't think I'm alone in this...I actually think this is a "virus" of my generation; you know, the general reluctance to commit to something permanently, reticence to communicate true heart-felt desires, and anxiety to say, out loud, what kind of a person I want to be.

While we long for recognition as unique and special we often freeze in inactivity (or rote routine) for fear that we might fall (fail, yes, but also fall - fall from the good graces of our parents, from popularity, from wealth and success, from comfort...fall and hit the ground hard.).

My own plan-phobia is summed up pretty well by this quote:

Am I to be praised for my stickability or criticized for my lack of ingenuity? -Alistair Begg

Too often, I'll admit, that when faced with a big decision, I'd rather just sit on my couch and do...nothing.

The storm is coming but I don't mind

People are dying, I close my blinds

All that I know is I'm breathing now

I want to change the world

Instead I sleep

I want to believe in more than you and me

But all that I know is I'm breathing

All I can do is keep breathing

All we can do is keep breathing now

-Ingrid Michaelson (lyrics from "Keep Breathing")

Hmm, that sounds familiar. Maybe it's not just me.

grounded

So why this aversion to having a plan, a commitment, a vision for my life? Possibly: fear, laziness, status-quo, boredom...

Deeper though... I think my own reason has more to do with Guilt and Fear.

Guilt: that if I commit to this plan for my life than I will have to say No to all those people and possibilities that may ask for my attention.

Fear: that if I tell you who it is I want to be, I will have many fingers pointing in my direction if I fail. I become accountable (oh how awful for you, I say sarcastically to myself).

flight plan

I was listening to this message by Rob Bell and he was talking about the way Jesus lived his life, in total devotion and commitment to his one goal - fulfilling the will of God through his death on the cross. Because Jesus had a compass and orientation for his life he was able to say No to things and people, even when they were good things and legitimate needs. Bell says,

Jesus is willing to go against the expectations of the crowd in order to be true to the few things he is pursuing. He doesn't let what everybody wants direct his path...Jesus says no because he's already said Yes...You can't say No until you've already said Yes to something else.

I've been thinking on that idea a lot lately and how radically freeing that can be for life. Where I live in Uganda, needs are bottomless and opportunity to help and do good are endless; I tend to either feel overwhelmed by the their immensity or frenzied as though I must give myself in every direction.

When I look at the truth though...I see that I am God's child and He has given me a vision for my life. I can let out my pent-up breath knowing that if I continue to say Yes to what God has called me to, I can say No guiltlessly to what does not align with that vision.

Soren Kierkegaard said,

A saint is the person who can will the one thing.

flying

Someone gave me this example:

When a plane is flying at its high cruising speed and altitude it only takes slight adjustments of its ailerons, elevators, and rudder to change the entire direction of the aircraft.

At lower speeds bigger adjustments must be made to affect the course of the plane.

On the ground with the engines off, it will take a crane to move that plane an inch.

Of course we are not mere machines; we are thinking, breathing, feeling humans with spirits and souls, but the analogy is clear. If I sit in my corner and wait for a shining light and booming voice from heaven it will be much harder for me begin making those decisions to trust and serve God. When I begin moving and doing and serving (even if I'm not 100% sure what the next 10 steps will be) it suddenly becomes easier to be attuned and obedient to God 's leading.

But isn't our tendency toward inertia just amazing?

turbulence

So how do I decide what that "one thing" should be?

In his book "Crazy Love," Francis Chan says,

Most of our thoughts are centered on the money we want to make, the school we want to attend, the body we aspire to have, the spouse we want to marry, the kind of person we want to become... But, the fact is that nothing should concern us more than our relationship with God; it's about eternity, and nothing compares with that. God is not someone who can be tacked on to our lives.

I am convicted but encouraged at the same time. Over and over I circle back to this point - that I must first say Yes to God in my life; He is my primary allegiance. Of course God cares about things like jobs, school, spouses, and exercise...so long as they don't eclipse His own centrality, He may even want us to say yes to these things in our lives. I think with practice it becomes easier to recognize the goals and aspirations that fit with what it means to say Yes to God in your own life (without the fear of comparison - "but that's not what it looks like for so-and-so").

landing

Now for the scary part...what did I come up with? Do I have that vision for my life?

It's a work in progress, but I have a draft and, quite honestly, I'm vacillating whether I want to share it...to speak it out loud, for you to hear, and openly compare to the actuality of my living...

So I will, for this reason - imagine if we could all share in honesty our vision, who we want to be, what we want our lives to be characterized by...it certainly carries an accountability most of us don't want, but also a freedom; for me to live in my calling (and not yours) and to forgive you because we are both made of the same fallible material but reaching for eternity.

So here is what I wrote for my life, my vision:

I want to be a person whose life is

Characterized by: the same prodigal love GOD has shown me, and

Driven by: a desire to see GOD glorified.

May I be:

radical, never stagnant

proactive, not reactive

flexible, never rigid

lovable, not self-sufficient

courageous, never fearful

teachable, not arrogant

peaceable, never divisive

open, not self-righteous

selfless, giving all I have and am for the Glory of God.

So from my friend, Rob Bell,

May you have "the pursuit of a simple disciplined focused life in which you pursue the few things which God has for you and may you be like Jesus, able to say No because you already said Yes."