bus stop

A friend and I took this unconventional vacation to Belize last year. I say it was unconventional because although the original plan was to soak up the sun in Mexico, the wind of adventure took us some 12 hours on public transportation to a small fishing village in Belize. It was unconventional because it involved fleas, Rastafarians, more rain than sun, many unplanned days, lots of walking, and lots of waiting.

I have strangely fond memory. We had gone hiking and were ready to catch our public bus back to town. It turns out bus schedules were really only guidelines for a more "relaxed" rule of operation; in the end we waited for our bus for a good 3-4 hours on a semi-deserted highway road (through a rainstorm I might add). 

I learned that much can be said for waiting, watching, and observing. Small details of everyday lives of everyday people suddenly become intriguing;  you meet people who are unusual and outside of your ordinary; you allow your mind to wander and wonder with questions, realities, and possibilities. 

But WAITING....waiting....waiting, is hard. 

It's been on my mind recently, this waiting, probably because it's something I dislike and something I am not good at doing.

I've smacked into this wall called waiting several times since being in Uganda. The culture here is relationship-driven which is interpersonally rich....and functionally slow. Everything takes longer. 

But WAITING....waiting....waiting, is shockingly common. 

I get this "woe-is-me" tendency when things do not go according to my timeline for me. If I dare to turn my head even slightly to look around though, I see waiting happening to everyone. 

So what's the point? Is the value in the waiting itself, or in what comes when it ends, or in what it takes to get through it? 

But WAITING....waiting....waiting, is necessary.

I wonder what kind of a person I would be if my every whim was instantly gratified? The words that come to mind are less than complimentary - selfish, greedy, proud, isolated...

Do we have a choice when it comes to waiting? I'm most certainly first in line when it comes to being proactive, but what about those things outside our realm of control? I suppose the alternatives would be to Give up Hope, or Go Elsewhere. And isn't that just it, that waiting for the time, or the event, the thing, or the person involves that shiny treasure called HOPE? Waiting requires one to have hope and is rewarded by hope for the next time...

I often feel like I have a scattered soul. Like I need 13 lives to do all the things I dream about doing. Like each dream is so distantly far off or unrelated that there is no way it will ever intersect with reality. 

So now what? Do I embrace the "Just do It" philosophy or do I do as John Mayer sings and just wait for the world to change? I don't want to drown in passivity but I don't want to be made ugly by self-sufficiency either. The balance is tricky.

My need for Hope, whether waiting or doing, however does not change....and my Hope is unchanged and unlimited because it is rooted in God, who remains constant and everlasting throughout. 

Is it just coincidence that a new and dear friend of mine here gave me my own Ugandan name, "Ssubi"...."Hope."

"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:5