The New, Improved, and Finished business cards!

With special thanks to JP Costanzo for the amazing graphic design and photography (http://costanzophotography.com/).

Statistics (the math kind)

Remember taking a statistics course in school? Math terms like "mean, average, standard deviation, sampling, variance..." Is your memory sufficiently jogged now? Your question is probably, why the sudden penchant for math? I've had numbers on the brain lately, and more specifically numbers relating to Africa and Uganda (of course).

(1.) PERCENTAGES

When I was in school (most of my life to date, actually), there was nothing better than getting a test or paper back with a big "100%" written at the top. The past several months of my life have also been marked in percentages relating to my goal of being fully supported to leave for Uganda. This past week I had a happy surprise to discover that I have over 100% of my one-time expenses! Does this mean I'm done? Ready to leave? No. That still leaves the bigger portion of "Ongoing Monthly Expenses." This category still needs lovin' as it is at 53%.

However, progress is progress and I'm excited to be getting closer.

(2.) PROPORTIONS

The past few days I've been working on a video (what others might call a low-tech powerpoint presentation) about my journey to Uganda. I spent quite a bit of time online finding pictures and researching interesting facts and statistics about Uganda. The numbers I came across astounded me. I've heard many statistics about the country before, but somehow as I did low-level math calculations it hit me in a new light.

1/2 of Uganda's 32 million people are CHILDREN under the age of 14.
1 in 6 of those children are ORPHANS.

I won't detail the rest right now because I think those two alone are enough to stop anyone in their tracks for a while.

(3.) POPULATIONS and VARIABLES

If you're anything like me, my attention span for numbers is not that long, but hang in there, this math lesson is almost over.
During my online research I also stumbled upon a fascinating and unusual map website. The Worldmapper website has a large category of maps relating to a particular subjects (http://www.worldmapper.org). Each is a density-equalizing map that re-sizes each territory according to the variable being mapped. In this case a picture is worth a thousand words. I've picked out three that literally made my jaw drop. I've never quite seen the world like this before.



Territory size shows the proportion of all people aged 15-49 with HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) worldwide, living there.






Territory size shows the proportion of all people living on over US$ 200 a day worldwide, that live there.





Territories are sized in proportion to the absolute number of people who died from most preventable (communicable infections, maternal, perinatal and nutritional conditions) in one year.


I can't remember ever getting teary eyed over a map before, but these made such a strong impression on me. I was fascinated at looking at different maps and seeing how almost in every case the US and Africa seemed to be mirror opposites - as the US grew fat in one case Africa would shrink to almost nothing....

I encourage you to check out the website and explore the many more maps they have there.

There are many different glasses to put on as we look at the world in which we live. The politician sees the word differently than the artist, who sees it differently than the economist. Today, I borrowed spectacles from the Statistician.

Blind-sided by the "What If"

When I was little, it was an innocent game we used to play with our parents, called "What if." Seated at the dinner table or in the back seat of the car, the game would ensue, question building upon question, perhaps intending (in some childish maniacal purpose) to see how far we could test parental patience.

"Mom, what if lima beans were really bad for you?"
"They're not, I promise. Now eat your vegetables."
"But what if THESE lima beans came from a farm where somebody POISONED the lima beans??"
"Your lima beans are not poisoned. Now eat."

"Dad, what if we ran out of gas? "
"Then we'd get some more."
"But what if we were far away from a gas station? and it was raining?"
"Then I'd send you to walk to get the gas."

You get the picture.

However, at age 26, I find myself blind-sided by the "What If?", shocked to discover I still play this childish game...with God. Perhaps it's now taken a more mature form and perhaps my questions actually seem important and relevant to my life, but the spirit of the game just may turn out to be the same- in essence challenging an authority figure, testing, pushing to the limit where they actually might admit "I don't know."

"God, what if I just end up stuck here in life forever?"
"God, what if I'm just not brave enough to do that?"
"God, what if I never get married?"
"God, what if I'm just not patient enough to love this person?"

...a more sophisticated version of the game, right? Cleverly disguised as prayer...A game in which I question God's authority and sovereignty in my life and basically say "I'm worried about this because I bet you didn't think to figure this out yet."

Jesus actually had a prayer involving an "If" as well...in stark contrast to my own kiddie-pool-deep-faith prayers. Jesus prayed:

"My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." (Matt 26:38)
and again..."My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done." (Matt 26:42)

On the brink of making the biggest sacrifice that would mean his very death (and knowing the torment involved), Jesus asked His Father to consider an alternative, but SURRENDERED His will to God.

My "If" questions suggest to God that my plan for me will be better. Jesus laid the burden of the "If" at God's feet, fully trusting His Father's sovereignty.

The truth is that I live inside my own comfort zones of surrender. Some risks are easy for me to take - for instance "things" and money aren't entirely difficult for me to trust God with....but people and relationships, now that's a different story.

I'm saying these things out loud not to be preachy but to remind myself. I believe that God does want us to be brutally honest with Him in prayer. And in my heart I know that nothing is safer than risking everything for God and surrendering all to Him.

May it be done according to Your will.


p.s. As "homework" I hope you'll watch this Rob Bell video (part 1 and 2). He's a much more eloquent communicator than I. More food for thought about prayer.

Labeled

No, I haven't forgotten.

I haven't forgotten about my blog.... more importantly I haven't forgotten about Uganda.

So what's up, you ask? What's new? What's happening?

Good questions, all.

I have a pretty short answer which can be summed up with "I'm waiting."

Maybe I'll start from the top for those who are new or those of you who need a refresher and some reminding.

I'm Kacie. I currently live in San Jose, CA, where I work as an emergency room nurse, am part of WestGate church, and in general "do" life with many great people and blessings God has put in my life. But, almost a year ago marked the beginning of a pretty big change in my life direction as God started leading me toward missions and specifically the country and people of Uganda.

So, I am planning on moving to Uganda to work as a nurse for 2 years. While I'm there I'll be working with a relief and development organization called Hope Alive! that helps to sponsor orphans and fragile family units (literal families of just children). As a nurse there I'll be doing a lot of community health work - health screenings, vaccination screenings, health and hygiene teaching, basic first aid, etc.

Since I will be there for 2 years I need to raise enough for that time. So many people have already decided to become part of my team by supporting me financially, and I'm at about halfway with the support I need. Basically, as soon as I have all of my support raised (or pledged) I can buy that plane ticket and hop on a plane!! My hopes are that that will happen soon, sometime this summer...However I know God's timing is not my own and He has reasons for me to wait (although I wouldn't mind having it spelled out for me sometimes).

I am planning on doing more posting about Uganda life, culture, and people there, but as a result of all of this waiting, I have consequently had a lot of time for reflecting (although admittedly, I resist this). While I have many a rambling thought I could share, I think I'll stick with today's, prompted by a message from church.

In church we read the story about Jacob wrestling with God (in Genesis 32) and the title of the sermon was "Labeled." Jacob was a man labeled from birth (his name literally means "heel grabber" or deceiver.... not too much imagination in the naming process - his brother Esau was literally "hairy." Try going through junior high with that name.). Point being, Jacob was labeled a deceiver from birth and seemed to live up to his name with every step he took growing up. Not until Jacob literally enters a wrestling match with God, does he face who he is past, present and future. It's then God gives him a new name and identity - Israel. Jacob is re-labeled by God.

I don't know about you, but I often feel burdened by the labels placed on me - by myself and by others. They can be weighty, like big signs hung around your neck; they can be distracting and confusing because they lie and contradict.

My labels read something like this:

Third child. Nurse. Striving for perfection. Lonely. Dissatisfied with myself. Confident. Does the "right" thing. Nice. Put together. Fun-loving. (and more recently) Missionary.

I could go on, and I know you could too. Actually, if you're reading this I would say, stop. Stop right now and write down some of your own labels, whether they are ones you made for yourself or ones that others place on you. We're going somewhere with this I promise.

Each one of my labels carries a weight with it. The ones I have made for myself are heavy because they remind me of my imperfections, my insecurities, my shortcomings, and who I "wish I could be." The ones others have placed on me are just as burdensome because I know deep inside that I can never live up to expectations. Eventually I will mess up and disappoint.

Maybe this time of waiting is my wrestling match with God. In the "silence" of waiting, I've had to (and still am, trust me..) think really hard about who I've been, who I am, and who I want to be. It's easy to begin to question, "Who am I really? Am I sure that God really said that? I can't really be a missionary, can I?"

I don't think my wrestling match is done, but here's where I'm at so far. God didn't give me a new name like He did for Jacob - instead He reminded me of the name I already have. Kacie, means Valorous. Elizabeth, means Consecrated to God.

Ultimately, God has called me just to look to Him to find my identity and to find my direction for life. My identity was defined at the cross, where it became possible for me to be called a child of God. This point has been driven home by a song that's been stuck in my head constantly lately, called Lead Me to The Cross:



Like I said these are just some ramblings and scattered thoughts, but they're part of my journey to Uganda too. I hope maybe they may give you cause for reflection in your own life and that you can also seek out the name God has given to you as His child.

Help! I'm stuck in the middle of the Ocean!!

Many people I talk to want to know specifically how much more money I need before I can leave... The answer -- 50% (wow!! We're halfway!)! Here's an easy breakdown of the monthly contributions that are still needed (or refer to the super-cool video above):

3 people giving $100/month
6 people giving $50/month
10 people giving $25/month
20 people giving $10/month

I continue to be so blessed as I new people catch on to this vision and join me in this journey for Uganda.

To God be the glory!

Why Now?

I know, I know, I'm due for another video blog update, but I'm a little camera shy, so a conventional post will have to suffice for now (I'll look under the couch cushions and find some courage and motivation for a video blog later this week!).

If I remember correctly I still needed to answer the question - Why now (as in, why am I choosing this particular time in life to move to Uganda)?

This question is definitely complex and has more than one answer, so let me try to prioritize my reasons for you:

1. God has most definitely called me to this at this time and confirmed it over and over again (just ask me if you want to know the how's)...

2. The timing is right. I'm single. There aren't car seats in the back of my car yet. I don't own a house, furniture, or even silverware for that matter...simply put I'm pretty mobile at the moment. Sure, that means I'll be quitting my job, but I've been blessed with a career that will still be in demand when I get back. All this to say, aren't these the years everyone says are the "best of life"? I have not a single reservation in giving them to God.

3. I feel the inner tug of the "something more." You know what I mean - that feeling you get when you get home from yet another day at work to get ready for another one tomorrow and that thought sneaks up on you..."Is this all there is?" I realize we're all wired differently and not everyone seeks challenge and adventure, but I don't want to wake up one day and realize that I've been doing the same thing for 10 years just because it was easy and I lacked the courage to step out in faith. I think this sentiment is one that is common to a lot of us...I've been thinking lately of how many songs I hear echo it as well:







...to name a couple. Those words resonate deeply with me:

"I don't want to spend my whole life asking, What if I had given everything? Instead of going through the motions...."

I know there are more...Do you know of more music/reflections of this sentiment in today's pop culture? It's out there and I believe it's in each of us. Maybe God hasn't called you to Africa like He did with me, but I do know that if you listen He's calling you to step out in faith and trust Him for something in your life....

What's it like there? Part Three...a Neighborhood

I've never wanted my blog to be something that guilts people into feeling bad for all the "starving children in Africa..." But here's something I've been thinking about. I don't know what your belief system is. Maybe you believe in a all-knowing, all-powerful God like me; maybe you believe in Karma, or Budda, or good deeds, or tradition. Whatever your beliefs or moral code, I cannot find an excuse for ignoring a responsibility so great as to protect another human being's basic rights to life. I cannot help but think that because I am so blessed, this leaves me with a greater responsibility to love those who aren't.
If I ignore the fact that I know about the thousands of orphaned kids living in Africa, I am the one who lives in a altered sense of reality. I drive my own car around paved roads, dress in nice clothes, eat three square meals a day, and indulge in entertainment at my whim. If this is how I choose to live without daily thought to those living in constant need, I am false.

So no, guilt is not my goal. But that also does not excuse us from being informed. We are Americans and no matter our socioeconomic class we are wealthier than the "most" of the world who live on less than $1 a day...we have the opportunity to use our resources to be and stay informed (how many times just today, did you "google" something?).

A 17th century theologian named Jonathan Edwards, said it like this:

"The nature of human beings is to be inactive unless influenced by some affection: love or hatred, desire, hope, fear, etc. These affections are the 'spring of action,' the things that set us moving in our lives, that move us to engage in activities."

I'm posting a video here that is, yes, a bit disturbing (a small clip of a Ugandan "neighborhood"). I hope that by becoming more informed, you will also become more caring and moved to action.